Things I'm Hypocritical About

I have my standards. Two in fact.

Blogs:

For others: There is a percentage (mostly friends of friends of friends, aka strangers, that I feel I’m kind of invading their privacy by reading) that I read mostly because I like mocking them in my head (Sometimes out loud, but then people start wondering why I’m talking to myself). Blogs are easy targets. Everything has already been said in a funnier, wittier, or more informative way, and nobody wants your two cents – they are less valuable than the metal they are made of. And nobody finds your child as fascinating as you do.

For myself: Not only will I blog, but I’ll post it on my status updates. And Isaac is fascinating. I think everyone would agree, unless they’re too busy looking for their nonexistent heart. (Update: Isaac is doing well – as charming and happy as ever. A big thanks to everyone taking such good care of him at Starfish)

Monologue-ing

For others: How could they possibly think I’m interested in this?

For myself: They’re just not interested because they haven’t heard enough yet. I’ll just keep talking.

Being late
For others: It’s rude and disrespectful.

For myself: It takes no time to find keys, check e-mail, or read what the latest political gaffe is, right? And so no matter how many times I add all those “no times” together, I should still get no time, right? And yet, I’m still late to everything. Oh well, nobody probably notices, anyway.

Classmates asking barely tangent questions

For others: It’s irrelevant and obviously an excuse to show off some boring tidbit of knowledge you somehow managed to obtain. I’m not here to listen to you talk.

For myself: It’s kind of relevant. And I’m sure everyone is secretly interested and impressed by my in dept knowledge. Very secretly.

Bashing religious or political beliefs

For others: Formula for figuring out whom your "non pc" statuses are annoying: Take the number of your facebook friends. Then take the number of….oh wait. No, that’s the answer, you got it already ... it’s a simple formula.

For myself: But it’s really clever…they’ll love it!

Looking sloppy

For others: How much effort is it to change out of your pjs?

For myself: None, if you just sleep in your daytime clothes. Loophole!