Friday, February 24, 2012

Everyone is beautiful!


No, they aren’t.

Yes, I’m glad it’s recognized that not only size zero, teenage caucasians are beautiful. However, allowing for different body types, ages, and races expands the number of beautiful people from about 1% to 5% of the population. Sure, we could take it a couple of Bigfoot size steps further, and go around stating that everyone is beautiful, but the word quickly becomes meaningless. Objectively speaking, not everyone is. Take me for example, I’m extremely average looking.


And I’m also more or less okay with that, depending on when I last looked through a fashion magazine. Those of you who know me should realize that means I’m always okay with it. Yeah, it would be nice to be attractive, but it would be nice to be a lot of things I’m not (tall, stoic, French…) I think the message to average looking people (at least half of the population) should be - Yeah, you’re not a super-model, but you can’t have everything. You have a lot of wonderful qualities such as…. (list qualities, just don’t pause too long and don’t say anything about a sweet spirit)

Now some caveats:

1. Just because you’re not at the Albert Einstein of beautiful people doesn't mean you’re not on the honor roll. Don’t compare yourself to impossible, or - in the case of airbrushed photos -nonexistent standards. (I know, I could have  just said "just because you're not Heidi Klum" but by the time I realized that, I already had sunk too much cost into this mediocre analogy) 

2. I’m talking purely about objective attractiveness. I completely understand that subjective attractiveness is an entirely different story. I think everyone has experienced objectively so-so person becoming more and more attractive the better you get to know them (or, conversely, an objectively beautiful person becoming less and less attractive the better you get to know them).

3. Babies and toddlers are always beautiful.

3. Even if you’re never going to be a Disney princess, there is still some value in trying. 
A problem I have is when it becomes clear that I’m no good at something – like singing, first impressions, lying, dancing, resisting sugar…it’s a long list – I tend to give up completely. Sometimes, I devalue it for good measure. Sour grapes, and all that. So when I realized that my hair was never going to look like Ariel’s (I was a Little Mermaid fan), I kind of gave up on the whole “being pretty” thing. I have since realized that real hair doesn’t stay up like that.

4. I get that some of you think I’m pretty, but that’s because you’re my mom.

Speaking of my mom, it would be great if someone besides her commented on my blog. It really would.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Why Twilight Annoys Me



Okay, there are a lot of reasons. But the main one is that the plot consists of a whiny heroine getting everything she wants while everyone worships her. 

Basic structure: Someone wants Bella to have a good thing (aka the rose) There is some convoluted conflict where this good thing is perceived as a bad thing for absolutely no good reason (aka the lame thorn).This way Bella can have the cake and be seen as self sacrificing for eating it. (All those calories would have been bad for everyone else. Thank goodness she took the bullet. So typical Bella.) 

I made chart to illustrate my point (lots of free time on my hands):



Rose
Thorns
Reason this is a lame thorn
Edward
Might eat Bella
Despite every conversation between Edward and Bella being “I’m not good for you”, Bella is never eaten.
Becoming a Vampire (immortality, beauty, superpowers, super strength, et)
Can’t have children, might kill innocent people
Turns out Bella can have children and has super self-control. Surprise.
Presents for Bella
Not sure but Bella spends more pages whining about presents in general then she spent seconds thinking about on all those poor people who die at the Voltorri
Whining does not equal a good conflict  
Getting a free, planned wedding
Again, not sure why Bella is finding things to complain about
See above
Having a dangerous pregnancy
Might die
The venom only had to be inserted before heart stopped beating. This isn’t super hard if you ask me. No one did



You might be wondering why I would bother to read the books if they annoy me so much. The embarrassing truth is that I did like the first book when I was sixteen, and, a few years later, I got through the last book because I was kind of hoping against hope that everyone would be massacred.