On getting older

I’ve always felt I am too old. Some people start worrying about aging when they hit thirty. I started when I was nine. Actually eight years and 364 days to be precise. A few hours before my bedtime, it fully hit me that I would never, ever be eight again, and that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. It was not my happiest birthday party.

I had another terrifying realization about a year thereafter, while driving with Sam and her family to Spokane for a soccer tournament. I made the connection that had somehow eluded me until that point in time: if I didn’t believe in an afterlife, it followed that I was going to be nonexistent someday. Consequently, I was very zen-like about our disappointing second place finish that weekend. (Sam’s always just mature for her age, no religious turmoil necessary, so by the end of our car ride home, we had decided that silver was a much prettier color anyway.)

I eventually came to uneasy terms with my mortality somewhere between sixth and seventh grade, though it made me even more panic-y about growing old. I went through a period of mourning when I was twelve due to the fact that I was now too old ever learn another language without an accent. (Why did I waste it reading the Animorph series when I could have been learning French verbs? Darn my lazy grade-school self.) I refused to get my driver’s license until I was over eighteenth partly due to my denial of the fact that I was aging. And finally, even if I hadn’t been snowed in alone in Pullman on my twenty first birthday with some alcoholic rats (it was sad, Aubrie), I would have still been unhappy about passing the last birthday that was still on a uphill trajectory. Now, at twenty-two, I’m over the hill.

I’m trying to get better at this. I know that getting older is much better than the alternative - I’m unbelievably lucky to live in a time and country where life expectancy is so high. I also know that twenty years from now, I’ll consider myself crazy for thinking myself old at twenty-two. I’m going to try to do better with just appreciating the age I’m at, and realizing that I’ll never be this young again (true at any age). It is one thing to not wish your life away, but I take it too far the other direction.

The pros and cons of being judgmental

Pro

1. Nobody needs to wonders what my opinion is on anything

2. If somebody didn't know before that things like alcohol are bad for them, they just learned something new.

3. It comes naturally.

Con

1. I don't know the full circumstances, and, even if I did, I don't have the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

2. Doesn't follow the golden rule.

3. People never take my advice. Maybe someday...

4. There's a tendency to make people feel like I'm judging them.


Conclusion: Too close to call.

Lost and Found in e-Translation

Sometimes I interpret electronic writing (aka "texts") in a way that may say more about me than about the writer

Writing Device	How I interpret them	Commentary
Ellipse after a sentence…	Think about what I just said, because there is a hidden meaning.	Drives me crazy when it’s after something like “Have a nice day….” Part of me knows there is no hidden meaning, and part of me feels like there is something I don’t know about an assassin.
“quotations”	I’m mocking you.
Um…	What you just said was so dumb, it’s going to take me a second to think of a tactful response. I just want you to be aware of that.	It just seems somewhat fake in writing form. “Um”’s are a semi-involuntary tick, and writing isn’t involuntary.
Ellipse….between… words	Pause and think about every word I’m saying	Acceptable when the words are worth it, very annoying when they are not.
ALL CAPS	I’m screaming at you.	So exhausting to read.
No smiley faces or exclamation marks	I’m mad at you or bored.	I know this generally not right, but I’ve been conditioned to expect smiley faces with everything remotely friendly.

Why you shouldn't hug me

Hugs are not one of my favorite things. I don’t know who decided that reducing one’s personal space to a minimum was a great way to greet random people. Maybe it evolved to let people know you trust them enough to allow them in the perfect position to put a knife in your back. Who knows. The following is a three part explanation of why you should just shake my hand. Or wave. That would be fine, too.

1. I’m into personal space. Maybe it’s because I prefer to judge other people, rather than be judged myself, and that’s easier at a distance (That little self-analysis was for you, Cera) In any case, my self-consciousness increases exponentially with personal proximity. I get stuck in a perpetual loop of they’re thinking that I’m thinking that they’re thinking…Thankfully, young children don’t have a theory of the mind, so I don’t feel self-conscience and I’m absolutely fine with holding them.

2. Some of the time, with some people, I’m okay with them hugging me, but I’m aware of how awkward my hugs are, so I prefer not to inflict them with it. They’re kind of like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fdO4Y8q5Dc For example, Angie is one of my favorite people, I'm totally okay with her hugging me, and yet look at how well I’m handling a semi-hug. This is one of the last times I saw her, too. According to the body language interpreters in tabloid magazines, I am pulling away, and we will be divorced in a few months. Sorry, Angie. I'm keeping Robyn.

3. The rest of my problem is my sister, Tamar. Tamar insists that she hugged me all the time when we were little because she loved me. I know differently. It was her way of attacking me in a mom-approved way. It didn’t help that I spent ten minutes trying to get away from her and that once she caught me, she never let go. You know how “Free Hug” coupons are shorthand for a lazy, cheap gift? I used to give them to Tamar, and she loved them and actually used them. I had to put time limits on the hugs, and I always ended up wishing I had gotten her a real gift instead. 

Ja, ik spreek Engels.

First a note: I’m going to stop posting blogs updates on facebook (after this).  Mostly I just feel like nobody loves me if nobody comments on the update, and sink into a deep, though temporary, state of dsyphoria. I’d much prefer to believe that nobody knows I’m updating. 


However, I am going try to update everyday for the next ten days (without spamming facebook). Now I finally cancelled my New York Times online subscription (they make it deviously difficult, you actually have to call them), I can no longer spend most of my free time learning about things I have no influence on, so it seems like a perfect time to start writing about them instead. So yeah. Today's topic is immigration.

I feel that pretty much everyone if you go back far enough owns land due to questionable or downright genocidal means. Since we can’t possibly reassign the land fairly, we pretty much get what we landed on when the music stopped and overtaking land started to be frowned upon.

To stop everyone from rushing into the richest lands undocumented and unregulated, there are rules about who can live where. The rules aren’t fair, but they’re better than the total mayhem that would result if this land were my land, and, what the heck, it’s your land, too.

However, it’s important to keep in mind that almost no one’s claim to land is without sin (except maybe the Native Americans) so it’s best to be lenient with who can and can’t enter the country. Sure, people should be documented, there should be basic requirements to becoming a resident, and people should respect the native culture. However, it also should be possible to do it within the rules, because, ideally, everyone should have the chance to live in a great country like America.

As it is now, the immigrants who break the rules get in, and the immigrants who don’t have to wait forever. It’s not fair, and it give immigrants more motivation to break the rules and countries less heart to prosecute the said immigrants. You get stories like these, where nobody wins: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/28/opinion/28sat4.html So I think there should be a path to legalization, the people trying to do it the legal way should be rewarded, and if you are going to prosecute someone, it will be easier knowing that they did have a solid alternative to breaking the law.

Finally: http://xkcd.com/84/