Blogs:
For others: There is a percentage (mostly
friends of friends of friends, aka strangers, that I feel I’m kind of invading
their privacy by reading) that I read mostly because I like mocking them in my
head (Sometimes out loud, but then people start wondering why I’m talking to
myself). Blogs are easy targets. Everything has already been said in a funnier,
wittier, or more informative way, and nobody wants your two cents – they are
less valuable than the metal they are made of. And nobody finds your
child as fascinating as you do.
For myself: Not only will I
blog, but I’ll post it on my status updates. And Isaac is fascinating. I think
everyone would agree, unless they’re too busy looking for their nonexistent heart.
(Update: Isaac is doing well – as charming and happy as ever. A big thanks to everyone taking such good care of him at Starfish)
Monologue-ing
For others: How could they
possibly think I’m interested in this?
For myself: They’re just not
interested because they haven’t heard enough yet. I’ll just keep talking.
Being late
For others: It’s rude and disrespectful.
For others: It’s rude and disrespectful.
For myself: It takes no time
to find keys, check e-mail, or read what the latest political gaffe is, right?
And so no matter how many times I add all those “no times” together, I should
still get no time, right? And yet, I’m still late to everything. Oh well, nobody
probably notices, anyway.
Classmates asking barely tangent questions
For others: It’s irrelevant
and obviously an excuse to show off some boring tidbit of knowledge you somehow
managed to obtain. I’m not here to listen to you talk.
For myself: It’s kind of
relevant. And I’m sure everyone is secretly interested and impressed by my in dept
knowledge. Very secretly.
Bashing religious or
political beliefs
For others: Formula for
figuring out whom your "non pc" statuses are annoying: Take the number of your facebook
friends. Then take the number of….oh wait. No, that’s the answer, you got it
already ... it’s a simple formula.
For myself: But it’s really
clever…they’ll love it!
Looking sloppy
For others: How much effort
is it to change out of your pjs?
For myself: None, if you just
sleep in your daytime clothes. Loophole!